


Transit Umbra Lux Permanet

by ourimaginaryrebellion



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - College/University, Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mentions of canon character death, YOLO, also this is a slight AU but stays mostly with canon with the exception of Noah's plotline, because i don't know how to write happy things, bruh idk how to do tags i'm done enjoy this pile of sappy garbage, but bear with me i just want my children to be happy, gratuitous fluff, some things are probably slightly ooc, that being said this is pretty sad as well, this is unapolegetically adam centric, writing henry is fun expect more of that in the future
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-21
Updated: 2017-03-27
Packaged: 2018-10-08 21:43:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 17,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10396794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ourimaginaryrebellion/pseuds/ourimaginaryrebellion
Summary: Ronan rolled his eyes dramatically. “Adam.” He stared at him, unflinching under Adam’s gaze, “You are the most intelligent person I know, but you are being a fucking idiot right now.” Adam flinched, “Oh, come on, man. You know that wasn’t you. And all of that aside, I’m still kicking, so no harm no foul, right?”Adam glared at him, his face contorted in furry, “No harm? Have you walked past a mirror lately, Lynch?”





	1. Shrapnel Extraction

**Author's Note:**

> title translates roughly to "shadow passes, but light remains". there's a bit of latin in this work and i'm working my way to fluency but no where near so bear with any mistakes.
> 
> I wrote this because I love Noah Czerny more than I love myself and I needed more resolution for his story. Also because I wanted to these sad precious children to be happy.
> 
> this is the first thing i've ever posted. the story and characters belong to Queen Stiefvater. Enjoy.

Blue sat in the waiting room of the overnight care unit of one of the largest (re: most expensive) hospitals in D.C. She picked at a run in her tights, unable to comprehend the show that was playing on the television, and not really wanting to anyway. There was a slight ringing in her ears, which the kindly old white man who had performed her physical had informed her was a side effect of the shock she was in currently. She had nodded mutely, unable to devote a single ounce of brainpower to her own condition as she was entirely too wrapped up in worrying about her raven boys.

  
Once the physician had redone her stitches and pronounced her physically sound, she had been sent to sit in the waiting room. Her psychological evaluation would take place the following morning. It turns out there are some things money can’t buy, and to Mrs. Gansey’s chagrin, getting a psychiatrist (who will keep their mouths shut about unexplainable, probably magical, phenomenon) out of bed this late at night was one of those things.

  
Blue pulled on a string from her tights methodically as she ran mental circles around the last updates she had received on each of the boys. Gansey: alive and currently receiving an MRI, Ronan: alive and currently having his neck examined, Adam: alive and receiving a physical evaluation from the same man who had looked over Blue, Henry: talking to Mrs. Gansey in the hallway and crafting a presumably immaculate explanation, Noah: dead.

  
Blue dug her nails into her thighs. Noah. Dead. No. She closed her eyes focusing on measuring her breaths and not hyperventilating like the doctor had told her.

  
“Blue.” She looked up sharply. Ronan was standing in front of her. He was still wearing jeans and combat boots but his blood and mystery fluid soaked tank top had been replaced by a generic looking light blue tee shirt. It startled Blue to see him in a color other than black and white. It looked nice on him, she realized abjectly, as she stared in horror at the bruises on his throat. His voice had sounded hoarse and tired when he spoke. She wondered if it hurt.

  
“Hey.” She whispered, her fingers still clenched on her legs.

  
Ronan raised an eyebrow at her slightly, “Why are you in here alone? Did you see a doctor?” He slumped down into the chair next to her. The shadows under his eyes looked like they had been carved out of granite.

  
Blue nodded, “Henry was with me but he’s talking to Mrs. Gansey.” She couldn’t manage to get her voice to function higher than a whisper.

  
Ronan grunted and then winced. Apparently it hurt a lot.

  
“Have you heard anything about Gansey or…” He asked, his voice trailing off hoarsely.

  
“Adam?” Blue shook her head, “he’s still with the doctor. Gansey is getting an MRI.”

  
A tiny bit of the tension seemed to dissolve from Ronan’s shoulders.

  
“How are you?” Blue asked quietly, “What did the doctor say?”

  
Ronan shrugged half-heartedly, “The demon did a number on my windpipe apparently. But I seem to be none the worse for having bled ooze out of my face for a few good minutes, so that’s nice I suppose.” He rubbed a hand over his head.

  
“Those bruises look rough.” Blue commented, her eyes trained back on her tights.

  
Ronan rolled his eyes, “Well I didn’t literally die, so I have no complaints.”

  
Blue glared at him out of her peripheral, “You think less than 5 hours from the event might qualify as too soon Ronan?”

  
Ronan’s eyebrows pulled together tightly, “Yeah. Sorry.” He rubbed his hand over his head again, “Jesus fuck.” He whispered, “He was dead.”

  
Blue closed her eyes, “Yeah.” She rested her head on Ronan’s shoulder, “But he’s not anymore.”

  
Ronan cleared his throat slightly before gently resting his cheek on the top of Blue’s head. They sat like that, drawing comfort from one another, until Mrs. Gansey came and got them.

 

 

An hour and a half later the four of them sat in Gansey’s hospital room, which Blue noted was nicer than any hotel she had ever been to in her entire life. Gansey sat in his hospital bed wearing pajamas his mother had brought from home, his wireframes perched on his nose and his hair still wet from a shower. Ronan sat in an armchair next to him, his feet kicked up onto the side of the bed. His bruises were distinctly visible in the soft light emitting from various lamps around the room. He was wearing a pair of Gansey’s sweats and the tee shirt the hospital had provided.

  
Adam sat curled up on one end of the couch across from the bed. His chin rested on his knees and his arms were clasped firmly around his legs. His eyes were dark as he starred blankly at a point on the wall. He was wearing pajama bottoms and a tee shirt that Henry had claimed to have had in his car, though Blue suspected he had bought them at the hospital gift shop. Henry had spoken with Gansey for several minutes before fist bumping him and heading out without a word.

  
Blue sat on the foot of Gansey’s bed. She was wearing a sweater and a pair of tights her mother had brought from home when she and Calla had come to visit. It had taken nearly half an hour for Blue to convince Maura that they were all fine and that it wouldn’t hurt anything if Blue stayed the night in the hospital with the boys. Maura and Calla had agreed to drive back to Henrietta given that Blue return home the next day.

“Blue, did your mother say anything about Noah? Do we have any definitive answers?” Gansey asked, looking up from his journal where he had been writing furiously for the past five minutes.

  
Blue shook her head, “I spoke to Calla and she said that he is probably gone.” She swallowed, which took a lot more effort than usual, “but we don’t know for sure.”

  
Ronan’s hands clenched on the arms of the chair he was lounging in, “We’ll find him. He’s probably back at Monmouth.”

  
Adam winced visibly at the sound of Ronan’s hoarse and scratchy voice.

  
Ronan noticed, glaring at him as Adam intently refused to make eye contact.

  
Gansey, noticing their tense silence cleared his throat rather dramatically. “We’ll find him. Ronan’s right. We’ll figure it out tomorrow.” He nodded solemnly as if just by speaking it he made it true. Blue nodded, because maybe after the events of the past 24 hours that wasn’t quiet so hard to believe.

  
They sat in silence for a moment, Gansey and Blue having a silent conversation, and Ronan glaring at Adam who was staring at his own feet.

  
“I HAVE CHICKEN!” Henry declared triumphantly as he burst through the door. He was holding two giant boxes from a local fried chicken restaurant.

  
“Good man!” Gansey replied, as Henry strode across the floor and deposited the food on the foot of Gansey’s bed next to Blue.

  
“They were out of sweet tea, which I informed them was a crime against not only humanity at large, but particularly our dear Gansey boy who is recovering from a tango with the devil himself. They didn’t seem to give a shit, frankly. But I have quarters and there’s a soda machine a few hallways down.”

  
“I’ll go.” Adam offered, opening his mouth for the first time since they had all been reunited.

  
“Thanks, man.” Henry pulled a sandwich sized Ziploc bag full of quarters from his hoodie pocket and handed it to him. Adam raised an eyebrow questioningly as he took the bag and headed out of the room.

  
“I’ll come help you carry the shit.” Ronan practically threw himself out of the chair and followed Adam out of the door. To everyone’s surprise Adam didn’t protest.

  
They walked in silence down the brightly lit hospital corridor. Adam was waiting for Ronan to say whatever it is he so obviously wanted to say, but Ronan seemed content in the silence, which frustrated Adam more than it probably should have.

  
He stopped in front of the soda machines, the bag of quarters jangling noisily in his hand. “Lynch, what…” his voice seemed to give up on him as his eyes came to rest on Ronan’s throat. The harsh, white light of the hallway made the damage done impossible to ignore. The mottled purple, blue, and green of Ronan’s skin looked raw and painful. Adam brought a hand up to his mouth. He knew that it was a vulnerable day for all of them, but he definitely wasn’t ready for Ronan to see him cry.

  
Ronan quirked an eyebrow, “What’s up, Parrish?”

  
Adam’s frustration with him returned like a tidal wave, “What’s up? Are you fucking kidding me? I almost killed you.” He hissed the last sentence, as if trying to impart the horror of the situation on Ronan.

  
Ronan’s face twisted with what looked like anger and maybe a little sadness, “Like hell you did.” His voice was pissed off, even through the hoarseness and inability to raise the tempo of it above a growl. “That fucking demon used you like a puppet, and while I will acknowledge how less than ideal the situation was, over my dead body is anyone going to convince me that it was you who was trying to kill me.” He maintained searing eye contact with Adam, “Unless you changed your mind that much since that night at the Barns.” He smirked slightly.

  
Adam shook his head, not ready to let this fight end so quickly or so neatly, “It was my hands around your neck. I felt…” He squeezed his eyes shut, “I felt your pulse slowing. I did that to you.” He shuddered, “I know I was possessed, but I was still… there.”

  
Ronan rolled his eyes dramatically. “Adam.” He stared at him, unflinching under Adam’s gaze, “You are the most intelligent person I know, but you are being a fucking idiot right now.” Adam flinched, “Oh, come on, man. You know that wasn’t you. And all of that aside, I’m still kicking, so no harm no foul, right?”

  
Adam glared at him, his face contorted in furry, “No harm? Have you walked past a mirror lately, Lynch?” His hand clenched around the Ziploc full of change, “Have you heard your voice? You cannot tell me that you’re not in pain right now. And that’s my fault. Those bruises on your throat are shaped like my fingers.”

  
Ronan sighed, “Okay, sure it hurts like hell. Is that what you want from me? I’m not going to aid in the masochistic self-deprecation trip you are on right now, because it’s stupid. I’m fine. It hasn’t been the best week of my life, but I’m alive. So stop worrying about the semantics of your demonic possession and let yourself breath.”

  
Adam turned away from him, glaring at the soda machine with renewed vigor. He heard Ronan sigh deeply and run his hand over his head. They stood in silence for several minutes.

  
“Adam.” When Ronan finally spoke his voice was soft and contained an edge of vulnerability that Adam wasn’t used to hearing from him, “Give me your hand.”

  
Adam turned towards him, frowning, “What?”

  
“Just trust me,” Ronan huffed, reaching out and grabbing Adam’s free hand. He very carefully wrapped Adam’s fingers around his wrist, laying them against his pulse point.

  
“Ronan, what…?” Adam let the question die in his throat as Ronan looked up at him. His eyes were full of… affection? Desire and anticipation had replaced the frustration that had been there only minutes ago.

  
Ronan leaned in, slowly, brining his face closer to Adam’s. Adam felt his breathing hitch, unable to ignore the electricity he felt in his veins at Ronan’s proximity. Adam closed his eyes, breathing in the closeness of the other boy.

  
This time when Ronan moved forward, Adam met him half way. This kiss was different than their first or second kiss. This one reminded Adam of sitting with Ronan in the back of the pig with the windows rolled down. It felt incredibly safe and a little wild.

  
Ronan pulled away slightly, “Do you feel it?” He whispered against Adam’s right temple.

  
Adam frowned slightly, “What?”

  
Ronan gestured to his wrist, where Adam’s fingers were still pressed against his pulse.

  
Adam concentrated for a moment, unsure of what he was supposed to be feeling. And then he realized. Ronan’s pulse was racing.

  
Adam frowned up at him, “I don’t get it.”

  
Ronan laughed slightly, pressing his lips to Adam’s temple as he pulled back slightly, “You said you felt my pulse slowing, that it was you who did that to me.” He shrugged, a faint blush spreading across his cheekbones, “I wanted to show you what you really do to my pulse.”

  
Adam stared at him in shock, unsure of what to say.

  
“I know that making out in a hospital isn’t going to fix everything, but I just want you to know where I’m at.” Ronan shrugged, feigning nonchalance as he turned to the soda machine, “So you fight whatever battles you have to, but know that I don’t blame you for shit.”

  
Adam took a steadying breath before passing the bag of quarters to Ronan, “We should probably hurry up or Henry’s gonna eat all the chicken.”

  
Ronan smiled slightly, taking the change from him and dumping a handful of it into the machine, “We should probably get one of everything, just to be safe.”

 

 

When they returned to the room, each holding 5 cans of soda, Henry, Blue, and Gansey were all sitting on the floor with a magnificent spread of deep fried fast food in the middle of the circle they had formed out of pillows.

  
“Took you two long enough.” Blue chastised teasingly, her shoulder pressed firmly against Gansey’s.

  
Ronan stuck his tongue out at her, depositing his share of cans into her lap, “Got lost.”

  
Gansey glanced between the two boys, smirking knowingly, “Let’s eat!”

Blue was convinced that Henry had ordered everything on the menu. There was enough chicken and sides to feed at least double the number of people present, but dying, almost dying, and being possessed apparently stimulated one’s appetite because Gansey, Ronan, and Adam ate at least half of the food present between the three of them.

  
Henry sat between Blue and Adam, teasing everyone and keeping the conversation light and continuous. As everyone began to slow down, he produced a happy meal crown made out of garishly colored cardboard from one of the takeout bags.

  
“Richardman.” He tossed the crown at him with a wink, “Nobel king of our multifarious crew. I’m glad you’re still with us, my guy.”

  
Gansey caught the crown, laughing as Blue snatched it from him and placed it carefully atop his tousled hair, “Thanks, Henry. Me too.”


	2. Fill My Sorrow With the Words You've Borrowed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Noah appeared, two weeks after Gansey and Adam had walked across the stage at Aglionby, and Blue had strode across the gymnasium floor of Henrietta Community High, he snatched Ronan’s soda from his hand and began slurping at his straw with vigor.
> 
> “What the fuck, Czerny.” Ronan exclaimed, “You can’t even drink.” He huffed, glaring at the boy with poorly concealed amusement. 
> 
> Noah’s eyes got wide with feigned shock. He glanced down at the soda, “Well shit. You’re right.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is where it gets sad, my dudes. i enjoyed writing this chapter SO MUCH.  
> also if you are wondering where Opal is, no worries. that is explained soon.
> 
> chapter title from Delicate by Damien Rice.  
> the story and characters belong to Queen Stiefvater. Enjoy.

Two weeks after graduation, Noah appeared at Blue’s side as they all sat in a booth at Nino’s. He had appeared next to her for the first time after Gansey’s death a week after the event in the exact same location. After everyone had recovered from the shock and stopped crying, they had managed to realize that Noah was no longer tied to the lay line. He was a proper ghost now and could only appear at locations that held a strong emotional connection. And he could only be seen when Blue was there to amplify the supernatural. It had taken some getting used to, but everyone was mostly relieved that he wasn’t gone so the fine details of it seemed to matter a lot less.

As he appeared, two weeks after Gansey and Adam had walked across the stage at Aglionby, and Blue had strode across the gymnasium floor of Henrietta Community High, he snatched Ronan’s soda from his hand and began slurping at his straw with vigor.

“What the fuck, Czerny.” Ronan exclaimed, “You can’t even drink.” He huffed, glaring at the boy with poorly concealed amusement.

Noah’s eyes got wide with feigned shock. He glanced down at the soda, “Well shit. You’re right.”

He maintained eye contact with Ronan across the table as he deposited, what looked to be very real, spit into the glass, “I can still do that though.” He smirked.

“Jesus fucking Christ, Noah!” Ronan yelled, glaring in disgust at the boy while the rest of the table cackled at his antics.

After everyone settled down and the waiter brought Ronan a new glass, which he set as far from Noah on the table as possible, Noah cleared his throat, “Hey guys. As much as I wish I was here only to annoy the shit out of Ronan, I actually have something I want to talk to you about.” He ran his hands through his hair, looking nervous.

Adam frowned, glancing at Gansey to see if he had any inclination as to what was going on. He looked just as confused as everyone else.

“What’s up, Noah?” Blue asked kindly, grabbing his hand, which helped make him more opaque.

“Okay, so you know how shit’s been different with me since Gansey… died and then un-died. Well I’ve been talking to Calla a lot lately.” He squeezed Blue’s hand as she glanced at him with surprise, “And she says that my soul is not tethered here anymore, and my life is really… gone? I don’t really know what it all means, but I guess the only reason I’m still here is because of the “strong emotional bonds” I have.” He accompanied his words with air quotes, “Lots of ghost-y bullshit. But I talked to Calla about it and she says that I could… pass on, now… to like, the afterlife or oblivion or whatever. If I wanted to.”

They all stared at him in shock for a moment before Gansey finally said, in his most democratic voice, “And do you want to?”

They waited for Noah’s answer with baited breath. Blue was clutching his hand, gazing intently at his face. Adam was staring at the table, frowning deeply, Ronan’s eyes were flitting between Gansey and Noah with nervous energy, and Gansey sat, looking at Noah with a mask of cool curiosity on his face.

Noah looked down at his lap for a minute before nodding slightly, “Yeah.” He said evenly, “I think I do.”

Ronan sat back into the booth, heavily. Adam’s hands on the edge of the table tightened imperceptibly. Blue’s eyes started to water, and Gansey nodded solemnly, “How long have you known?”

Noah glanced at him sheepishly, “A few months.” He shrugged, “I wanted to stay for graduation.”

Blue was crying in earnest now, and she wiped her cheeks with the back of her hand as she asked, “Why do you have to go, though? Aren’t you happy here?”

Noah smiled at her kindly, “Yeah, I am, but I’m dead, Blue. I’ve been dead for a long time, and I think I’m finally ready to let that reality catch up with me. You and Gansey and Henry are headed across the country in a few months and Adam is headed to Harvard and Ronan’s going to be there every weekend if we’re being honest. Everyone is moving forward, Blue. I want to, too.”

 

They set the date for his goodbye party (Noah was the only one who would call it his funeral, and the rest of them cringed when he did). Henry had returned home to Vancouver for the summer a week after graduation, and Gansey had offered to fly him back for the event. But Noah explained that he had spoken to Henry before he left and explained everything to him. They had shared their goodbyes, and Henry had agreed that it would be best if the five of them got to celebrate Noah together one last time by themselves.

Blue took over planning for it, collaborating with Noah to make it everything he wanted. They decided to have it at the Barns, 3 and ½ weeks after they had graduated.

Ronan had argued with Noah, trying to make him wait until the end of the summer, until Noah had dragged him into his room and they had talked for an hour and a half alone. Adam, Blue, and Gansey had sat on the couch watching Netflix in silence until the two of them emerged. Noah looked somber and Ronan’s eyes were bloodshot, but the argument seemed to be settled and Noah seemed to have won.

Blue had texted everyone a week before the party, letting them know that Noah had requested everyone wear nothing that looked even remotely like it would be worn to a real funeral, and that she requested that everyone wear glitter.

Blue had spent all day at the Barns making sure everything was perfect. There was pizza from Nino’s on the table, Noah’s favorite band playing over the ridiculous dream stereo system that Ronan had hauled up from the basement for her, and a bonfire set up outside for after the sun went down.

She was wearing a dress made out of an old band tee shirt that Noah had excitedly exclaimed was his first concert the first time he had ever seen her wear it. She was wearing ripped tights and her feet were bare as she paced around the Barns double and triple checking everything. Her skin was finely coated with shimmery purple glitter.

Ronan wrinkled his nose as he walked down the stairs from his room, “You smell like a goddamn fruit basket.”

“Bath and Bodyworks was having a good sale.” She explained with a shrug.

Ronan, who Blue had expected to ignore the glitter theme, had interrupted her frantic party planning by walking into the kitchen and asking for her help. She led him to the downstairs bathroom, pulling her makeup bag out of her backpack. Fifteen minutes and several expletives later, Ronan thanked her with dark eyeliner flecked with glitter around his eyes. It suited him really well, Blue thought; as she watched him examine a bottle of black glittery nail polish from her makeup back. She smiled slightly as he began to meticulously paint his nails with it. He was clad in dark jeans, boots, and a black long sleeve shirt, but Blue noted that they all looked clean and new.

“Did you go shopping for today?” She asked, curiously, as Ronan struggled to begin painting his right hand. Blue took the bottle from him and finished the job.

“Yeah.” He sighed, “Easier than doing laundry.”

Blue rolled her eyes dramatically and kicked his foot with her own, “Sure.”

 

Gansey showed up first, half an hour before the assigned time, with fine gold glitter dusted through his hair. He arrived at the Barns with three bottles of champagne that looked like they had been stolen from the Gansey family cellar. He wore jeans, a dark red button down dress shirt, and his glasses. Blue and Ronan rolled their eyes in unison at his idea of informal, but Blue had half expected him to show up in a suit, so she wasn’t really complaining.

Gansey sat in the kitchen, talking to Blue as Ronan headed out into one of the Barns to “get something” as he had vaguely explained when questioned by Blue.

Adam showed up only five minutes early. He had been at a loss, at first, as to how to implement glitter into his appearance. He had never enjoyed spending time in front of the mirror, but he was willing to endure any amount of personal discomfort if it meant making Noah’s last day a good one. After spending a good part of the morning in the local Wal-Mart’s craft section he found himself in the cosmetics aisle. Following his instincts, he texted Orla for help. Getting ready involved a lot of experimentation and frustration. After half an hour in front of his dingy Saint Agnes bathroom mirror, he was finally happy with result. At Orla’s recommendation, he had purchased what she had called a holographic highlighter, which looked like the powder he had seen his mother use when he was younger, but in shades of purple and pink and with a healthy amount of glitter mixed in. Following the instructions on the back of the package, he had applied it heavily to his already prominent cheekbones. Feeling confident, he had brushed it along the arch of his eyebrows and his collarbones, carefully following the diagram on the package. After he was finished he placed the cosmetics carefully back in the packaging and set it on his desk.

He had spent an entire $16 on the item, which felt extravagant, but Orla had assured him it was worth it. He had decided to gift it to Blue as a going away present later that summer, figuring it’s one time usage wouldn’t bother her. Having never ventured into the land of makeup before, he was unsure what to wear to compliment the look. He settled on jeans, a white tank top that he usually wore under his coveralls, and a dark flannel J. Crew shirt that the Gansey family had generously gifted him that Christmas. It was without a doubt worth more than the rest of his closet combined, but Mrs. Gansey had been slightly tipsy and teary eyed while giving it to him, so he had accepted it without complaint.

He arrived at the Barnes at 5 till 6pm, he let himself in with the key that had been Ronan’s graduation gift to him, and followed the sound of voices to the kitchen. He set the packages of Oreos he had picked up (at Blue’s request) on the counter, hugged Blue, and fist bumped Gansey.

“Noah here yet?” He asked touching his cheek self-consciously.

Blue shook her head, “Nope. Should be soon though.” She slapped his hand away, “You look magical, Adam. So don’t touch it or you’ll fuck it up. Actually…”

She ran to the bathroom and emerged with a bottle of mystery liquid. She grabbed Adam’s jaw firmly, “Close your eyes.” She instructed, and then proceeded to mist his face gently.

Adam spluttered slightly, “What the hell?” He asked, as Blue stepped away.

“Setting spray. It’ll keep it from getting messed up or running.” She explained, returning to her self assigned hostess duties.

“Thanks.” Adam smiled slightly, turning to Gansey, who was sitting at the table examining one of the many Lynch family kitchen mysteries. “Where’s Ronan?”

“One of the Barns.” Gansey looked up at him, nodding towards the back door. Adam nodded, watching them both for a moment, noting how kingly Gansey looked with the gold in his hair, and how much like a fairy Blue looked. They were a good pair, he thought, as he headed outside.

He found Ronan in the barn closest to the house. He was digging through a giant cardboard box. Chainsaw sat in the rafters watching over him carefully.

“Hey.” Adam said, pausing in the doorway, unwilling to disturb Ronan if he was doing something he’d rather be alone for.

Ronan looked up, “Hey.” He turned back to the box. Adam frowned. His face looked different. He couldn’t place why though.

“Come help me with this shit?” Ronan asked, still facing the mystery box.

Adam walked over, “Sure.” Ronan straightened up as he approached, turning towards him. Oh, Adam realized, eyeliner. That’s what was different. He was slightly shocked to see Ronan with makeup on, but he realized, upon further examination that he was definitely a fan.

“The fuck did you do to your face?” Ronan asked. Adam looked down, remembering that Ronan wasn’t the only one who had dappled in cosmetology. He was suddenly overcome with the awareness that he probably looked ridiculous with glitter all over his awkward Henrietta bone structure. Ronan’s hand gently brushed the underside of his chin, and Adam looked back up at him.

Ronan’s eyes were smiling, not disgusted like Adam had half expected, “Would it be weird for me to tell you that you look really pretty?” Ronan whispered, his fingertips brushing over Adam’s cheekbones gently, “Not that I give a shit if it would be. Cause you do.”

Adam blushed deeply. He had definitely never been called pretty in his life. Unsure of how to respond he tipped forward and pressed his lips to Ronan’s, “What do you need help with?” He asked, pulling away with a smile.

Ronan gestured at the box of fireworks in front of him, “I’m trying to sort out the best ones. Just grab whatever looks good and chuck it in this crate.” He gestured to a half filled plastic milk crate. “We’re sending Czerny out with style.”

Adam heard the undercurrent of emotion in Ronan’s voice, and he reached out and grabbed his hand, “He’ll fucking love it.” He squeezed gently before letting go and helping Ronan sort the fireworks.

 

Blue sat down at the kitchen table, looking at Gansey quietly, “How are you doing?” She asked softly.

Gansey looked up from the self-cleaning French press he had been examining, “I’m alright, Jane.” He smiled comfortingly at her, “How are you?”

Blue shrugged, “I’m gonna miss him.” She said, her voice thick with tears.

Gansey nodded, brushing his hand against her hair, “Me too, Jane. But we got way more time with him than any of us expected, so I’m grateful.”

Blue nodded, “I’m trying not to be selfish about it.”

“I know.” Gansey cupped the side of her face, “Noah knows that too.”

Blue looked up at him, rubbing a tear from her eye, smiling at him and leaning into his hand, thankful for the solidity of it.

 

Upon his arrival Noah had spent no less than 10 minutes exclaiming about how “goddamn magical” and “no seriously, you all look really fucking cool” they looked with their glittery attire. He touched Adam’s cheeks and collarbones grinning, brushed his fingers gently through Gansey’s hair with a look of awe on his face, shoved his face into the crook of Blue’s neck inhaling deeply as she giggled and pushed him away, and spent 5 minutes examining Ronan’s eyes with wonder in his own.

When he realized Ronan’s nails were painted he had smiled so genuinely it sent a pang through Adam’s chest as he watched the two of them interact. Ronan had rolled his eyes, huffed, and stomped off to the bathroom. He returned a moment later with Blue’s nail polish in hand. He meticulously and reverently painted Noah’s fingernails for him. Noah sat perfectly still through the whole ordeal, and Adam noticed that his eyelashes were a little damp as he thanked Ronan, praising his handiwork.

After they had all eaten, Blue led them outside to the bonfire, which Ronan had started earlier and was now burning nicely. She sat on a bench next to Noah. Gansey was in a folding chair to her right. Ronan was sitting on a stump across from them and Adam sat to his right in a dream camp chair that was as comfortable as a recliner.

“I have presents.” Noah declared, “And I will hear no complaints about it because I didn’t pay shit for any of them.” He starred pointedly at Blue and Adam in turn, before reaching into the reusable grocery bag next to his bench.

“Adam.” He stood, and deposited a poorly wrapped package in Adam’s lap, “This is for you. And I expect you to wear it every day.” He winked at him, as he returned to his bag. Adam pulled the newspaper wrapping off the gift, which turned out to be a worn dark blue crew neck sweatshirt which read across the front, in peeling gold letters, “We’re all a little magic, baby.” Adam looked up at him, laughing despite the tears in his eyes.

Noah smirked, “I wore it consistently for half a year in high school. I’m pretty sure I showed up for freshman yearbook pictures in that sweater. I thought it suited you.”

“Thanks, Noah.” Adam shook his head, laughing, and held the worn sweater up so everyone else could read it. Ronan found it incredibly amusing and Blue snapped a picture with the disposable camera she had been documenting the entire evening with.

“Gansey.” Noah rounded on him, tossing a box at his head, which Gansey barely caught before it broke his glasses. He peeled the box open as everyone watched in silence. Inside was a brand new bound leather journal. It looked like it had cost a fortune. Gansey looked up at Noah, curiously.

“It was a birthday gift from my granddad the year I died.” He explained casually, “Dick, my dude. You’re life is yours now. Write your own damn story.”

Gansey nodded, shoving his glasses onto his forehead to wipe the tears off his face, “Thank you Noah.” He said, standing up and pulling him into a strong hug. Noah embraced him for a moment before instructing him to sit the fuck down because he wasn’t even half way done yet.

Next he turned to Blue. He gently placed a box in her lap. “For your road trips and adventures.” He pressed a kiss to the top of her head. Blue opened the box to find a collection of what looked like years of homemade mix cds. They were all labeled in a variety of brightly colored sharpie markers and the cases had doodles and lyrics scribbled on them.

Blue looked up at him, crying again, “Noah. They’re perfect. Thank you.”

Noah winked at her, before grabbing something from behind the bench he had been sitting on. “Ronan.” He looked at the boy, “You have to promise to actually use it.” He said, handing his well worn, sticker covered skateboard to the other boy. “Teach Opal to skate. Or Adam.” He grinned at the other boy, before turning back to Ronan.

Ronan took the board from him carefully, his eyes dry, but his face an ocean of emotion. “Thanks, Czerny.” He said, setting the board next to his chair and offering Noah his fist. Noah smiled at him, as he bumped his knuckles into his.

“Now what’s this I heard about fireworks?” Noah asked.

 

After an hour of setting of fireworks, listening to early Fall Out Boy at top volume, and drinking champagne straight out of the bottle, the night seemed to settle into a sort of somber finality. Noah bumped his shoulder into Adam’s as they watched the other three light the last of the fireworks.

“Hey. Thanks for being my friend, Adam.” Noah said, staring into his eyes, seriously, “Don’t forget the magic of these moments, okay? The magic of everyday life.”

Adam starred back at him for a moment before nodding, “I’m gonna miss you, Noah.”

Noah reached out, pulling Adam into a slightly less than solid hug. “It’s not a bad life, ya know? You’ve already lived through some shit, so when I get to the afterlife I’m gonna find whoever is in charge of all of this and demand they send you some good karma.” He looked knowingly over at Ronan, winking at Adam, “Seems like they might have gotten off to a good start already.”

Adam smiled slightly, ducking his head, “You deserved more time, you know that, right? More good memories.” He looked at Noah in earnest.

Noah shrugged, “I mean, I got more than I should have. And I got you guys. I think the universe did all right by me, all things considered.” He sighed slightly, “Y’all gotta take care of each other though, okay? I’m gonna be watching over you from the sky or wherever the fuck. You guys will be all right.”

Adam nodded, unable to speak through the thickness in his throat. Noah smiled at him, leaning over and embracing him once more.

Noah walked over to Gansey next; Blue and Ronan were busy watching the firework explode in multicolored brilliance “Gans, you have a lot left to do.” Noah bumped his shoulder into Gansey’s, “And you have people who are going to be there with you through it all.”

Gansey looked at him with genuine emotion painted across his face, “Thank you, Noah. For all the adventure and magic. I love you.”

Noah grinned, “I love you too.” He pulled Gansey into a hug before walking over and resting his chin on the top of Blue’s hair.

Sensing their need for a moment alone, Ronan stalked across the yard and deposited himself next to Adam by the fire. “Blue, my love.” Noah smiled, stepping in front of her. “You are the love of my afterlife. You are the most wonderful girl I’ve ever known.”

Blue smiled up at him, wrapping her arms around his waist, “I love you, Noah. I’m going to miss you everyday forever. Thank you for being the best friend and the best first kiss.”

Noah giggled, and Blue managed a laugh through her tears. “Goodbye, Blue.” Noah whispered gently, pressing his lips to her forehead.

Blue only cried harder, hugging him hard, before finally letting him go.

“Ronan.” Noah turned towards where the three boys were sitting by the fire, “Walk me home?” He asked, mischievously.

Ronan pushed himself up from his seat, his hand briefly touching Adam’s shoulder as he walked across the yard. Blue walked over to the fire, sitting tucked into Gansey’s side as she cried.

Ronan looked at Noah questioningly. “Calla told me what I need to do, but I don’t want to do it in front of the kids.” Noah smiled sadly at his feet.

Ronan nodded, “Let’s go to the woods.” They walked across the field that separated the house from the woods behind it. Noah turned back; glancing at the three figures huddled by the fire, before following Ronan into the woods.

Noah pulled what looked like a travel bottle of liquor from his pocket, before turning to Ronan, “Ronan, I know you don’t want me to get all emotional, and I know you’ve seen enough loss to last you a lifetime, which is why you’ll have to forgive me for asking you to be here for this. But you are the best friend I’ve ever had. I love you. I know you are going to live a long and amazing and full life, and that knowledge is making this easier than anything else.”

He stepped forward, placing a slightly smudgy hand on Ronan’s chest, “Thank you for everything Ronan. For the movie nights and the late night drives and the stupid shit we got up to in that damn BMW. Thank you for not caring that I was dead and thank you for reminding me what was so great about being alive.” He smiled at Ronan, his form wavering slightly.

Ronan looked at him, tears finally streaming down his cheeks unchecked, “I love you too, Noah. Thank you for being there for me even when I was a pain in the ass.”

“Was?” Noah laughed as Ronan managed to crack a smile through his tears. He unscrewed the cap on the bottle, “I stole this from 300 Fox way. It’s bourbon and probably disgusting. Here’s to the rest of your life. Here’s to the best years of mine.” Noah threw back half the bottle, before handing it to Ronan, who did the same.

Noah turned and faced the woods. He recited something that sounded like the tree language from Cabeswater. He looked back at Ronan, smiled brightly, and turned back to the trees. He raised his face to the sky, saying something in the strange language once more. As Ronan watched, silently, tears streaming down his face, Noah’s form flickered. He seemed to appear more and less all at once. His back arched unnaturally and then he was gone. Ronan knew he hadn’t simply vanished, but he was truly and completely gone from this universe.

He collapsed against the nearest tree as sobs wracked his body. He felt as though he had been grieving for Noah since the day he found out he was dead, and now that grief was tangible and solid, sitting in his lungs. But it felt manageable. Unlike his father or mother, this had been Noah’s choice. It had happened on his terms. He had been happy as he left. Somehow that made the grief less horrible. Not easy, but not impenetrable.

After he stopped crying, Ronan stood, staring at the ground where Noah had stood moments before. He took a deep shuddering breath, whispered a Hail Mary in Noah’s name, crossed himself, and turned to walk out of the woods.

He trudged across the field feeling heavy and quiet. Gansey was sitting alone by the fire as he made his way back. Ronan sat down next to him.

Gansey looked at him sadly, “Is he…?”

Ronan nodded, “Yeah.”

Gansey turned back to the slightly dwindling fire, “I hope he’s alright, wherever he goes next.”

Ronan looked at him carefully for a moment before staring into the fire, “Yeah, me too. He earned a good afterlife.”

Gansey smiled slightly, nodding.

“Where’d Adam and Blue go?” Ronan asked, running his hands over his face.

“To set something up inside. I don’t really know, but they told me to wait for you.” Gansey shrugged.

Ronan raised an eyebrow, “Well here I am. Let’s go see what the fuck they’re doing.”

 

The two boys found Adam and Blue in the living room. They had piled what appeared to be every single blanket and pillow in the entire Lynch household on the floor and Blue had set up fairy lights. The TV was playing Noah’s favorite cartoons.

Blue stood, seeing them in the doorway, “Noah asked me to make sure we were all together tonight.” She explained, “He suggested a blanket fort and so Adam and I built this.” She shrugged, looking small and slightly defeated, grief sitting heavily on her shoulders.

“It’s lovely, Jane.” Gansey stepped forward, taking her hand, “He’d be proud.”

Adam walked over to Ronan, taking his hand and leading him into the kitchen. “Help me get the drinks, yeah?”

Ronan nodded, following him in silence.

“Are you okay?” Adam asked, turning to face him once they were alone. “Did he…?” He trailed off, unsure what he was asking.

Ronan lifted a shoulder and let it fall, “He recited something that Calla had given him, I guess. And then he sort of… stopped existing. It was different from when he would disappear.” He stared at the wall behind Adam’s head.

Adam nodded, “I’m sorry, Ronan.” He said, pulling the other boy towards him and embracing him in a hug. Ronan was stiff in his arms for a moment before letting himself be held. They clung to each other, sharing the load of each other’s grief, before stepping apart. They grabbed the hard cider from the fridge before joining the other two back in the living room.

Gansey was standing in the middle of the floor, holding Blue’s face gently in his hands as he spoke to her. He pressed a brief kiss to her lips as the other two rejoined them.

They all settled amidst the blankets and pillows, close enough that they were all overlapping and resting against each other.

Gansey twisted the cap off his cider, raising it slightly from where he rested against the couch with Blue’s legs across his lap, “To Noah Czerny. The best and bravest of us all.”

The other three raised their bottles, echoing his toast, and each taking a solemn drink. They settled into the warmth and comfort of each other, turning their attention to Avatar: The Last Airbender, and the memory of Noah.


	3. Permanens Artem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gansey paused, seeming to realize there was a can of soda in his hand and that Ronan was now in the room at just that moment, and resumed pacing. “I’ve come up with an idea that I need your opinions on as it directly and entirely involves you. It came to me all of a sudden as I was at the grocery grabbing a few things and I rushed back here to see what you all thought of it.” 
> 
> Adam leaned closer to Ronan, the heat and his apparent amusement with the whole situation making his movements seem lazier and more languid. “And he’s not going to tell us what it is until Blue arrives.” 
> 
> Ronan rolled his eyes, “Naturally.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title translates roughly to "permanent art" 
> 
> this chapter is completely self-indulgent. I love these kids and I love tattoos and I have a lot of regrets in life but this isn't one of 'em. find me on tumblr and talk to me about your tattoo headcannons for each of them because I have a looooot of thoughts about it. (obviously)
> 
> As always, the story and characters belong to Queen Stiefvater. enjoy!

A month before he was set to leave on their GREAT AMERICAN ROADTRIP with Henry and Blue, Gansey burst into Monmouth Manufacturing like he had just sprinted across the entirety of Henrietta.

Adam looked up from where he was reading on the couch, wearing a pair of old gym shorts and one of Ronan’s tank tops. It was pushing 100 degrees outside and he had sweat through his tee shirt on the bike ride over. He raised his eyebrows at Gansey’s obviously disheveled form.

“Hey Gans, what’s up?” He asked, trying not to laugh at the sweaty polo shirt and khaki short clad boy in front of him.

Adam was in a good mood (an occurrence that had nearly tripled in frequency since he got his college acceptance letters back). He’d spent the morning at work and when he had left he had biked straight over to Monmouth where he had found Ronan making homemade popsicles out of the strawberries and mangoes Maura had sent over with Blue the day before. After relishing the capacity to witness his boyfriend’s domestic pursuits, he had convinced Ronan to play Mario Kart with him for an hour before Matthew and Opal had called.

He’d been reading (for pleasure! who knew that was something he was capable of) on the couch ever since.

Gansey shoved his hair off his forehead, “Adam, I’ve had an idea. Where’s Ronan? Jane’s on her way over.”

Adam shut his book, setting it to the side, “Ronan’s facetiming Matthew and Opal in his room. I’ll see if he’s almost done.”

Adam left Gansey panting dramatically in the middle of the living room floor as he padded over to Ronan’s door. He gently knocked on the door twice before letting himself in. Ronan was stretched out on his stomach across his bed. There was a fan, definitely from his dreams, keeping the room bearable in the scorching Virginia heat.

Ronan looked up from where he was smiling broadly at his cellphone (purchased new for the sole purpose of video-chatting with his brothers and… whatever Opal was to him. Ronan and Declan had sat down and had a very grown up conversation about the whole child/fawn/dream-creature situation and they agreed that Opal should probably have more socialization that Ronan could provide at the Barns and so their dual custody situation had come about. It worked out perfectly because Matthew and Opal were absolutely obsessed with each other).

“Hey, sorry to interrupt but Gansey just got back and he’s got something he needs to talk to us about and I swear to god if it’s another mythological figure he wants to raise from the dead I’m not dealing with that alone, so you need to get your ass out here.” Adam walked over to where Ronan was laying, leaned into the frame and waved at Matthew and Opal before turning and exiting the room.

Ronan emerged from his room a few moments later to find Adam sitting on the couch looking amused and vaguely confused as Gansey paced back in forth in front of him like a lunatic. Ronan shook his head, headed to the kitchen and grabbed the last couple cans of Crush from the fridge. He tossed one to Gansey, who caught by pure luck as it smacked into his chest.

Walking over to the couch, Ronan launched himself over it, settling close enough to Adam that it definitely wasn’t platonic, but far enough away that they wouldn’t sweat to death due to their combined body heat. He handed the other boy a can of Crush before popping the tab and downing half his can in one go.

“The fuck are you so keyed up about, Dick?” He asked, looking Gansey up and down.

Gansey paused, seeming to realize there was a can of soda in his hand and that Ronan was now in the room at just that moment, and resumed pacing. “I’ve come up with an idea that I need your opinions on as it directly and entirely involves you. It came to me all of a sudden as I was at the grocery grabbing a few things and I rushed back here to see what you all thought of it.”

Adam leaned closer to Ronan, the heat and his apparent amusement with the whole situation making his movements seem lazier and more languid. “And he’s not going to tell us what it is until Blue arrives.”

Ronan rolled his eyes, “Naturally.”

Adam leaned forward further, resting the side of his head on Ronan’s bare shoulder. His sweaty hair tickled Ronan’s neck slightly. Ronan smiled slightly, noticing how long Adam’s hair was getting.

“Are you cutting your hair before Harvard?” he asked quietly, leaving Gansey to wear a path through the floor in peace.

Adam tilted his head back slightly so he could see Ronan’s face, “Yeah, I was planning on it. Why?”

Ronan shook his head, “Just wondered.” He reached up and brushed Adam’s sweaty bangs off his forehead, “I could do it for you, if you want.”

Adam pulled back slightly, looking at Ronan fully, “Do you know how?”

Ronan rolled his eyes obnoxiously, “Yes, Parrish, I wouldn’t have fucking offered if I didn’t.”

Adam raised an eyebrow at him.

“Mom taught me way back when. I used to help her cut Declan and Matthew’s hair.” He shrugged, “Thought I’d offer. If you’d rather go to Great Clips be my fucking guest.”

It was Adam who rolled his eyes this time as he settled back on Ronan’s shoulder, “I didn’t say no. You’d be saving me a few bucks, so yeah, sure. Thanks, Lynch.”

He brushed his knuckles against his boyfriend’s slightly. It was way too hot to hold hands, but Ronan appreciated the contact nonetheless.

A moment later the door flew open and Blue walked in. She was clad in her red lifeguarding bathing suit, faded denim shorts, and worn flip-flops. Her hair was slightly damp. “Hey guys, what’s going on?”

Gansey smiled instantly upon her entrance, his face falling a moment after, “You weren’t at work were you? I’m sorry, Jane, I completely forgot.”

Blue shook her head, “I got off half an hour ago. I wouldn’t have answered my phone if I were, Gansey. We can’t all afford waterproof electronics.” She winked conspiratorially at Adam as she walked across the floor and flung herself on the couch. “So what’s up?”

Gansey ran his hands through his hair in a very un-Gansey manner. Blue frowned slightly, wondering if there was something actually wrong.

“We’ve discussed at length our collective desire to memorialize Noah in a more permanent manner. We’ve considered planting trees, commissioning art work, petitioning the renaming of a building at Aglionby, et cetera.” He paused dramatically, “And as all of those suggestions have been tabled due to a variety of reasons I would like to bring another suggestion to the hypothetical table.”

Ronan sighed loudly, “Gansey, get the fuck on with it.”

Gansey glared at him pointedly before straightening his wrinkled and sweaty polo shirt on his shoulders, “I would like to propose the idea of getting tattoos as a memorial for Noah.”

There was a beat of silence in which Ronan stared at Gansey, slack jawed, Adam sat up fully, finally giving the situation his full attention, and Blue returned Adam’s can of Crush to the messy coffee table.

Gansey looked at them all for a moment, obviously having expected a more vocal reaction, “I thought about it, and if you are all interested in this idea, I would propose that we all come with unique designs and go together to get them before the end of the summer.” He shoved his hands into his shorts pockets.

“Wait, are you serious about this?” Blue asked, sparing at glance at Ronan and Adam. Ronan’s mouth was still hanging open and Adam was alternating between looking at his boyfriend and Gansey who still stood in the middle of the floor.

Gansey actually looked his age as a moment of insecurity and self-doubt flashed through his eyes, “I… yes.” He shrugged slightly, “As I said, it’s only an idea. You don’t have to agree. We’ll figure something out eventually.”

Blue shook her head, “No! I like it, actually. I like it a lot. I just… wouldn’t have expected this particular suggestion to come from you.” She glanced pointedly at Ronan who had finally managed to shut his mouth and looked deeply impressed and deeply thoughtful simultaneously.

Gansey relaxed a little, “Oh. Right, well I hadn’t ever seriously considered getting a tattoo before, but I thought it fight the purpose rather well. I’m glad you like it, Jane.” He smiled at her before turning to the others, “Lynch? Parrish? Thoughts?”

“Hell yeah.” Ronan nodded, “It’s a really good idea, man.”

He turned to Adam, awaiting his opinion on the matter. They had all agreed a while ago that their enthusiasm about whatever they decided on had to be unanimous.

Adam looked thoughtful for a moment, “I mean, I want to look into where and when and how much and all that, obviously.” Ronan smiled slightly as he rolled his eyes, “But I think that this is the best idea we’ve had. I’m down.”

“Excellent!” Gansey clapped his hands together with a sense of finality. “Should we begin planning now?”

“Only if there’s going to be the consumption of food during this process.” Blue said, snatching Adam’s soda off the table again.

 

Half an hour later and they were all sitting in the main room amidst mini Henrietta. Ronan and Gansey had rummaged through their collective possessions and found enough paper and drawing utensils to serve their purposes. Adam and Blue had made enough sandwiches for all of them and Gansey had produced tortilla chips and guacamole from somewhere in the kitchen. Gansey sat next to Blue who was stretched out on her stomach. He absently traced his fingers between the crisscrossed straps of her bathing suit as he tapped his pencil against his bottom lip. Ronan was sprawled across Gansey’s bed with his sketchbook and pencil propped on the edge in front of him. Adam sat bellow him with his back against the side of the bed.

As they all scribbled and paused to look up reference images on their phones Ronan’s left hand found it’s way into Adam’s hair, which the other boy found both comforting and distracting in equal measures.

About halfway through their arts and crafts time Ronan slid a piece of printer paper on top of the old sketchbook Adam was doodling in. It bore a sharpie drawing of a ghost (white sheet and all) wearing a snapback and riding a skateboard. There was a speech bubble that read “YOLO” coming from the ghost’s mouth.

Adam starred at it for a moment before turning his head to look up at Ronan, who was silently shaking with laughter.

“You’re an idiot.” Adam mumbled unable to keep himself from smiling slightly, setting the paper on the ground next to him, “Please tell me that isn’t all you’ve come up with.”

Ronan fixed him with a withering glare, “No, unlike some people it doesn’t take me half a year to come to a decision.” Ronan’s hand still in his hair softened the harshness of his words; “I figured it out like… twenty minutes ago.”

“Can I see?” Adam asked, his eyes back on his paper. Another piece of printer paper landed in his lap. This one was drawn with an ink pen and the lines were more delicate. It was a fully anatomical heart with wildflowers pouring out of the arteries. It was simple and yet some somehow seemed both violent and wonderful. Adam stared at it silently for a few minutes.

“You think he would like it?” Ronan asked softly, allowing his voice to transmit the vulnerability he felt inside.

Adam nodded several times, unable to find words quiet yet. “Yeah.” He whispered. “I think he’d adore it.”

Ronan reached down and snatched the first drawing off the floor, “I don’t know, Parrish, I still think this one might be it.”

The moment of sincerity was diffused, and while Adam mourned it’s passing, he was very glad because allowing himself to be emotional around Ronan was still a learning curve he hadn’t quiet gotten the hang of.

“You’re not getting that tattooed on your body.” Adam turned his attention back to his sketchbook, “At least not if you expect me to ever look at you again.”

Ronan’s eyebrows rose slightly as leaned over the edge of the bed. He pressed a quick and noisy kiss to Adam’s cheek, “Well in that case.”

He leaned back up onto the bed before Adam could react.

“It sure looks like you’re both making a lot of progress over there.” Blue looked at them, endeared amusement plan on her face.

“Shut up, Sargent. I’m already done and we all know it’s going to take Adam approximately twelve billion years to come to a decision, so what’s the rush?” He flopped down on the bed on his back so that his head was hanging over the edge next to Adam’s.

Adam ignored him pointedly.

Blue rolled her eyes, “Whatever. I’m done too. Gansey is in the depths of some research article he found about the history of tattoos. So who knows, maybe Adam won’t be done last.”

Ronan snorted and rolled off the bed, his feet hitting the floor loudly, “Come help me get these damn popsicles out of the kitchen, then. It’s hot as fuck in here.”

Blue looked at Adam questioningly as Ronan stomped into the kitchen/bathroom/laundry room.

Adam shrugged, “He made homemade popsicles. Fully domestic. Believe me, I have questions too.”

Blue laughed and pushed herself up off the floor and followed Ronan into the other room.

“How’s it coming?” Gansey asked, looking up from his phone and the aforementioned article.

Adam shrugged, “Slowly. I don’t know how to visually represent Noah or my relationship with him or whatever.”

Gansey set his phone down, giving Adam his attention, “Yeah, I know what you mean. He was just so much. He was so human and bright, even though he wasn’t alive the entire time we knew him.”

Adam nodded absently. He stood up and wandered over to his backpack where he had left in on the floor by the couch. He pulled out Persephone’s tarot deck from the front pocket.

 

Two weeks later, with Ronan’s help, Adam found a tattoo parlor in D.C. that stood up to the group’s collective standards.

Adam had spent a long night at Saint Agnes with the notebook he kept track of his finances in. Eventually he had justified paying for it with part of his savings from this summer because he wouldn’t have to stress too much at school due to his scholarships and work-study.

Blue had simply picked up two extra shifts at the pool and one extra weekend at Nino’s, ignoring Gansey’s protests and stating, “Noah is more important than $75. It isn’t going to kill me, Gans.”

 

 

They planned a visit to Gansey’s family the weekend they had made their appointments.

When they arrived at the tattoo parlor at 2pm on Friday afternoon Adam wasn’t quiet sure what to expect. The only exposure he had to tattoo parlors was the small, dingy one in Henrietta that had gone out of business his sophomore year. Ronan was the only person he really knew who had tattoos. His parents had cited them as a waste of money (as if Marlboros and Coors Lite was such an enlightened financial investment) and he had never really been around any other adults with tattoos.

Blue had been scheduled to go first. There were three artists working at the shop, and a young man with vibrantly red hair was working as a receptionist.

Gansey managed to charm the artist who was doing their tattoos into letting him sit next to Blue during the process.

Adam and Ronan sat together on the old leather couch that had been pointed out to them by the red haired man and referred to as the “waiting room”.

Adam peered around the room at all the framed artwork and tattoo flash sheets.

“Were you nervous?” Adam asked, leaning his shoulder into Ronan’s slightly to get his attention, “When you got your back done?”

Ronan shrugged, his eyes on Adam hands, which were clasped in his lap, “Not really. I was pretty much functioning on rage and spite at that point and I’m not sure I had the emotional capacity for fear.” He said it humorously, but Adam could feel the underlying truth to what he said. He didn’t push it further, however, as he didn’t want to bring up those memories. There was enough thought of the dead on this day.

“Are you nervous?” Ronan asked, smiling slightly as he leaned back into Adam.

Adam looked at Ronan out of his peripheral, “A little.”

Ronan’s eyebrow quirked, “The pain?”

Adam shook his head. “The permanence.”

“Yeah,” Ronan sat back slightly, huffing out a dry laugh, “I’ve heard that one before.”

Adam simply rolled his eyes, remembering in vivid detail the two weeks last winter they had spent arguing and fighting and talking and not talking about their relationship. A few months ago the comment would have stung, bringing back bad memories, but they had reached the point where the rocky formation of their new relationship was no longer something they refused to talk about.

Blue walked over to them, a piece of cellophane taped across her collarbone. Her eyes were a little watery, but she was smiling widely.

“Gansey’s about to start, and I didn’t bring my phone so one of y’all has to take a picture for Henry.”

Adam smiled at her, using his leverage against Ronan to push himself up off the couch. Watching Richard Campbell Gansey III get a tattoo was a bit like watching Ronan and Declan get along. It was unnerving, and didn’t seem natural, but you were glad to see it.

Ronan and Adam stood next to the reception desk watching with slightly dumbfounded expressions. Blue was holding Gansey’s hand, but he seemed completely unbothered by the whole process as he rattled on to the tattoo artist about Glendower, Welsh mythology, and the time he spent living in England.

The redheaded receptionist, who introduced himself as Dominic, leaned back in his chair watching with them, “He doesn’t really look like our usually clientele.”

Ronan laughed loudly, “That doesn’t surprise me in the slightest.”

“He seems to be taking it like a champ though.” Dominic shrugged, “Guess the whole book-by-its-cover thing still rings true.”

Adam smiled slightly, “That’s probably the most accurate proverb one could apply to Gansey.”

 

Ronan and Adam went at the same time. The artist who had done Gansey and Blue’s tattoos sat with Adam, gently pressing the outline to the skin of his ribs. Ronan lay on his back with his arm extended to the side, the other tattoo artist in the shop busy prepping his workspace. He smirked at Adam, his eye’s raking over his bare torso and Adam very dramatically rolled his eyes at him in response, desperately attempting to stop the blush he could feel creeping up his neck. Ronan had seen him shirtless countless times. There was no reason to get flustered, especially not when a stranger was about to stab him a couple million times.

After taking a few pictures (for posterities sake) Gansey and Blue had settled together on the couch, engaged in enigmatic conversation with Dominic.

Adam felt vaguely nervous, watching how comfortable Ronan looked lying on the padded table. He reminded himself that Ronan had sat in a tattoo parlor for the first time only a few short years ago. He tried not to feel too out of place as the artist turned on her tattoo machine.

She smiled kindly at him, “You ready?” Adam nodded mutely. She placed a comforting, gloved hand on his shoulder, “Let me know if you need a break. And if you have any questions, don’t be afraid to ask.”

“Thank you.” Adam nodded, stretching his arms above his head as he lay on his side. It wasn’t as bad as he had expected. It was painful, certainty, but different than he had thought it would be. He found himself caught up in watching Ronan’s face as he got tattooed. The other boy was laying on his back, the inner bicep of his right arm extended out to the tattoo artist and his head facing Adam though his eyes were closed. He looked peaceful, as if he could be sleeping if not for the slight scrunch of his eyebrows every time the needle struck a particularly sensitive spot. He didn’t turn his head or open his eyes the entire time, though he spoke occasionally to answer a question from the artist.

“How long have y’all been together?” The tattoo artist, Miriam, asked Adam about half way through the process. Adam turned his head slightly to look at her. She was very pretty and her long dark hair was styled in two long French braids that started at the top of her head and ended around her waist. She was absolutely covered in tattoos, most of them seeming to have an oceanic theme. Adam had decided he liked her when she kindly listened and responded to everything Gansey had said during his tattooing process.

“Around six months.” Adam replied.

Miriam smiled, “He’s a good looking guy.”

Adam smiled to himself slightly, this wasn’t the first time he’d heard that reaction when strangers found out the two of them were dating, “Yeah, I think so.”

“You’re not so bad yourself,” Miriam raised an eyebrow slightly as she continued to work, “You look good together.”

Adam blushed slightly, not immune to being complimented by a beautiful woman and very aware of his half nakedness, “Thank you, that’s nice of you to say.”

Miriam smiled as she continued working.

 

Two and a half hours later the four of them found themselves sitting around the breakfast table in the Gansey’s massive kitchen. There were three large bags from a local burger joint they had stopped at on the way back to the house. They all laughed and ate their body weight in fries and onion rings and drank cokes from the fridge and reminisced about Noah, but found that they were able to do so without being saddened by the topic of their friend.

Blue snapchatted Henry from Gansey’s phone, sending him countless pictures of plastic wrapped body limbs, Ronan with a mouth full of fries, and Gansey grinning widely at the camera.

Adam smiled, as he ate fries out of the bottom of one of the bags. He gave himself a moment to process and revel in how happy he felt. He wanted to keep this memory tucked away deep within himself for when he got lonely at Harvard and needed something to hold on to.

 

A week and a half later Henry arrived at Monmouth with his bags packed for a road trip and countless stories about his summer in Canada.

He grinned wildly at all of them, embracing each of them in turn. After they had all exchanged greetings and scattered themselves in the living room Henry threw himself on the couch and declared, “Alright, let’s see the ink, children. Snapchat is great but in person is better.”

Blue flopped on the couch next to him, pulling the straps of her layered tank-tops to the side to display her collar bone. There was a constellation above the words, “astra inclinant sed non obligant” in a delicate script.

“Ooooh pretty.” Henry leaned forward, inspecting her breastbone, “The stars incline… But do not oblige?”

Blue nodded, “Yeah, you like it?”

“Hell yeah.” Henry pressed a gentle finger to her collarbone, “It’s very Blue™ and very Noah™ and very The Great Glendower Adventure™. Overall, I think you did well, Ms. Sargent.”

Blue beamed at him, sitting back against the couch, “Thanks, Henry!”

Henry turned his eyes to Adam who sat on the other side of him, “Alright, Parrish, clothes off.”

Ronan grunted from where he was laying on the floor playing Mario Kart against no one. From what Adam could tell he was on his 7th run on the Rainbow Road. Masochism seemed to flow in the Lynch’s blood as thoroughly as loyalty did.

“Watch yourself, Cheng, that’s my line.” Ronan said, not removing his eyes from the tv screen.

Adam snorted and hurled a toss pillow at his stomach. It landed with a resounding thud, but didn’t seem to faze Ronan much, as he placed it behind his head with a smirk. Adam returned his attention to Henry who was still looking at him demandingly. Adam self-consciously pulled his faded tee-shirt up to his armpit, exposing his ribcage to Henry. The clean, dark lines of his tattoo depicted the contents of 19th card in the tarot deck Persephone had left him. The card represented The Sun and the detailed illustration curled across half his ribcage.

Henry let out a low whistle, “Damnnnn, Parish, that’s sick.” He nodded approvingly, “Did it hurt?”

Adam dropped his tee-shirt, pulling it back down his torso, “Yeah.”

Henry laughed slightly, “Worth it though. Looks dope af.”

Adam felt himself smile slightly. Henry was the only person who could use texting vernacular in real life conversations and get away with it, he thought to himself as he watched Henry turn his sights on Ronan.

“Lynch. Let’s see it!” He demanded good-naturedly. Without breaking his eyes from the television Ronan lifted his right arm, twisting it to display the inside of is bicep. He continued his race, holding his controller one handed. Henry turned his head slightly to inspect the upside down artwork. The heart stood in stark contrast to the pale, smooth skin of Ronan’s arm.

Henry raised his eyebrows in admiration as Ronan let his arm drop back to the ground. “Looks good, man.” He winked at Adam, “Very pretty.”

“Stuff it, Cheng.” Ronan muttered. Only Adam noticed the corner of his mouth turn up in a slight smile.

“Alright, Sir Richard,” Henry turned to Gansey who was sitting on the other side of Blue with his arm resting against her shoulders. Gansey offered his right forearm for inspection. A very finely detailed quill pen lay curved into his summer-tanned skin.

Henry grinned, “As I said before, Dick 3, you’ve outdone yourself with your Gansey-ness with this one. I approve wholeheartedly.”

Gansey smiled genuinely, “Thanks, Henry. I think Noah would have thought the same thing. He would have mocked me ceaselessly for the pretentiousness of it, and I think that’s my favorite part.”

He winked at Blue, who tucked herself more firmly into his side. She knew that Gansey had decided on the tattoo based on what Noah had said to him at his non-funeral. She knew that there were layers of meaning to each of their tattoos, but that they were all so essentially and wonderfully Noah that she didn’t think she’d ever get tired of looking at them.


	4. Veni Domum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Never have I ever… dated someone from Aglionby.” Gansey declared. He had a bit of residual color on his cheeks from his answer to Henry’s question, which lent itself kindly to his All-American appeal.  
> Everyone did a shot, which had Blue turning to Henry with a question on her lips.  
> “Everyone makes mistakes, my darling Blue, and not all of them are worth sharing.” He winked.  
> “Gross.” Ronan pushed his hair back again, which Blue responded to by pulling a hair tie off her wrist and sending it flying towards him with a flick of her fingers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the final chapter but I am TRASH™ so it is the most self indulgent of them all. idgaf. 
> 
> Anyway. Thank you to everyone who read this. I had so much fun writing it and I have loved reading y'all's feedback. I'm glad you love Noah and the rest as much as I do. 
> 
> the story and characters belong to Queen Stiefvater. I owe her a life debt for breathing these stupid children into existence. <3

The weekend before Noah’s 28th birthday found Adam sitting in his dorm room at 5 in the morning packing the last of his belongings for summer break. He meticulously pulled his scant décor off of the small corkboard above his desk. He had four photos hanging up next to a calendar he had been given during orientation last fall. One photo was of himself holding up Noah’s old sweater, with Ronan’s head thrown back in laughter, the two of them lit up by the bonfire in front of them. The second was a selfie of Gansey, Henry, and Blue sitting on the hood of the Pig on a cliff on the Pacific Coast Highway. They were all tan and smiling with their hair blowing in the wind. The third photo was of Ronan and Gansey at Nino’s. Blue had taken it with Gansey’s smart phone and emailed it to Adam. The two boys were bent over Gansey’s journal and they looked so young it sometimes hurt Adam’s heart to look at it. The fourth photo was one Adam had taken the summer before. It was of Ronan sitting on the back porch at the Barnes, smoking a cigarette. They had been fighting before he took it and he wasn’t sure what had possessed him to take the photo or keep it and hang it in his room. Ronan looked so painfully human in it. When his boyfriend seemed a little too callous and untouchable sometimes Adam needed the memory to remind him that though he was a dreamer, Ronan was still just a boy.

He pulled his Harvard banner off the wall above his bed and stuffed his bedding into an old sleeping bag case. His textbooks and notes were all packed away into two cardboard boxes and his clothes were packed into an oversized duffle and a garment bag containing a tailored suit he had bought with part of his savings after his freshman year.

After loading his possessions into his truck (the hondoyota had crapped out on him the summer before. The truck had previously belonged to an upperclassman who sold it to Adam before dropping out of school and flying to Spain to live with his girlfriend. It was blue and loud and smelled inexplicably of cinnamon.) Adam dropped off his key at the office for his dorm and drove through the still sleeping town towards I-95 heading south.

 

Blue woke up to a face full of bedhead and the sound of Gansey’s cell phone alarm. She shoved him towards the nightstand, groaning loudly about the god-awful noise.

Gansey silenced his phone, pulling his glasses off the nightstand and onto his face. He sat up, running his hands through his unruly hair. He needed a haircut, he thought absently to himself, as he looked around the apartment he and Blue shared.

It was a two-bedroom apartment that cost more per month than a year at the same square footage would have cost in Henrietta. Gansey didn’t mind, but he hadn’t loved the considerable moral and financial dilemma the cost of the rent had posed to Blue. (His parents refused to let Gansey pay for his housing until he graduated. Blue had tried to argue that she should pay half, but upon realization that half the rent per month was a little over $2,000 she had eventually acquiesced to living with Gansey given that the two of them would pay for everything else on their own.)

Their bedroom housed a queen size bed that fit them quiet comfortably, due to Blue’s small stature. Their furniture was an eclectic mix of the IKEA furniture Blue had purchased and antiques Gansey had found at various markets and stores. The living room contained couches and chairs, several bookshelves, and a record player. Their record collection was growing steadily.

The second bedroom had a double bed, a dresser, and several bookshelves full of texts containing information on Welsh History, Mythology, lay lines, magic, Mythology, and geographical information of Virginia. It was a cozy room that they had given up on calling a guest room months ago and now referred to as Henry’s room due to the frequency of his visits.

There was a spiral staircase in between the living room and kitchen and it led to a loft that Blue and Gansey had made into a joint study. Their desks sat at opposite ends of the space with half sized bookshelves lining the wall between them. Blue’s shelves contained books on social work, travel, sociology, and anthropology. Gansey’s shelves were packed to overflowing with textbooks on history and classical civilizations. He also had additional texts on ancient languages, ancient anthropology, and Norse mythology. The shelf that sat in the middle of the wall contained travel books, city guides for San Francisco, San Diego, and Los Angeles, journals and photo books from their Great American Roadtrip, and several travel guides to Boston, MA and Washington, D.C.

Blue rolled back over in bed, squinting at Gansey as she pulled her tank top strap back up her shoulder. “How much time do we have?”

Gansey looked down at her indulgently, “We are meeting Henry at the airport in two hours and it’s an hour drive.”

Blue groaned again, flinging her bare legs over her side of the bed, “I’m gonna shower. You make coffee.”

Gansey nodded, “Yes ma’am.”

Glaring at him, Blue marched out of the room.

 

Henry sat at the Starbucks nearest their departure gate as he waited for Gansey and Blue. He absently sipped at his venti Americano while he waited for his friends. He swiped through the news on his iPad, paused to reply to an email from a professor, and continued his perusing. He was wearing an oversized, but artfully designed, black tee shirt, black skinny jeans, and black vans that had seen better days.

He slipped his iPad back into his carryon and downed the rest of his coffee as he saw Gansey and Blue turn the corner and walked towards their gate. He stood, striking a vaguely ridiculous pose as the two of them noticed him. A giant smile spread across Blue’s face and he could see her squeal his name even though he couldn’t hear her yet.

After hugging and exclaiming greetings as though it had been years since they’d last met (it had been a little over a month and a half), the three of them got their possessions in order and boarded their six-hour flight.

 

Adam pulled into the long drive that led to the Lynch home with a sigh of relief so heavy that he felt in all 206 bones his tired body possessed. His windows were down, and he let himself enjoy the wash of Virginia heat that dusted across his arms and through his hair. The smell of this stretch of the state had haunted him for years and sometimes it was still tough to stomach, but today the earth smelled like home and the wind seemed to hold nothing but the promise of reunion.  
After their tumultuous break-up last summer, Ronan and Adam had decided breathing room and trust needed to be fundamental in their relationship going forward. Adam was able to admit that it had been a good idea and had, in the long run, been very healthy for them both. However, the fact that he hadn’t seen Ronan since Christmas break had made him want to set himself on fire for the last few weeks of the semester.

As he parked his truck, Adam let himself take in the smell of grass and the sight of the white paneled, green roofed farmhouse in front of him. Nostalgia, it turned out, could be more saccharine than sweat tea.

After allowing himself a moment to revel in his surroundings, the realization that his boyfriend was within walking distance seemed to crash upon Adam like a tidal wave. He flung himself out of the truck’s cab and almost tripped over his feet on his way across the lawn. He strode across the porch and through the screen door with single-minded purpose.

It was around 4 o’clock in the afternoon and Adam had told Ronan not to expect him until after dinner. It had turned out that traffic laws felt a lot less serious after 7 hours on the road and only a couple hundred miles between Adam and home.

The house looked just as homey and wonderful as it had last time Adam had seen it; full of dream things, knit blankets, childhood paintings, and books about Irish history and legend. Chainsaw sat on the back of an old leather armchair, meticulously pulling the stuffing out of a toss pillow that Adam recognized as a Christmas gift from Maura. He smirked slightly as the bird cawed softly at him and went back to it’s disassembling of the decorative cushion.  
Adam dropped his backpack by the door. The rest of his possessions could wait to be unloaded and unpacked. He checked the kitchen before heading upstairs in search of Ronan.

Adam found him in the small laundry room tucked into the top floor next to the master bedroom. Ronan looked every inch the Virginia farmer he was as he stood next to the dryer folding clothes and sheets and dishrags. There was still something so distinctly young and rebellious about his appearance, though, and Adam thought it might be the black teeshirt he was wearing that had so many holes in it Adam wondered if it hadn’t been used by Chainsaw as a form of avian stress relief. Maybe it was his hair, which he had been steadily growing out. He claimed it was because Gansey no longer lived with him so he had no one to cut it, but Adam knew that growing it out, just like shaving it so many years ago, was a necessary part of healing for Ronan. Adam didn’t mind at all. The dark curls fell into Ronan’s face and brushed the back of his neck and Adam was secretly a fan of the way that Ronan would pull it back into a ponytail while working around the farm.  
Adam felt himself settled back into his skin a little more comfortably as he took in his boyfriend’s form.

“Starring is creepy, Parrish.” Ronan couldn’t hide a smirk as he set down the shirt he was folding.

“Hi.” Adam breathed out, unable to form more words at the moment. His happiness was a crushing weight in his lungs.

Ronan turned to him, his smirk fading into a genuine smile, “Hi yourself.”

Adam was on him in an instant, his arms wrapped around Ronan’s neck. Ronan reacted immediately, wrapping his own arms around Adam’s middle and squeezing him so hard Adam could feel the 4 months of separation seep out of his skin.

“I fucking missed you.” Ronan practically growled into Adam’s hearing ear.

Adam let out a strangled laugh in response.

He finally pulled back enough that he could see Ronan’s eyes, “Me too. You don’t know how many times I almost drove here during the past semester. God, Ronan.”

Ronan’s eyes softened and he leaned in, responding with a gentle press of lips. He kissed Adam’s mouth and nose and eyes and forehead and jaw. He kissed away all the unsatisfying skype conversations and forgotten texts. Adam responded back in kind. Ronan’s hands found their way down to Adam’s thighs, hoisting him up and around so he was sitting on the dryer, the chore of folding laundry forgotten as they got reacquainted.

 

Two hours later they ate leftover pizza on the living room floor. Adam had showered the dust of the road off and was wearing a pair of plaid pajama pants and an old Aglionby shirt that was so worn through it was semi-transparent. Adam had a suspicion it had originally belonged to Gansey. Ronan was wearing nothing but crimson sweat pants with HARVARD in white block letters down the leg. Adam felt a tug of pride and an emotion he wasn’t quite sure what to call deep in his gut every time he glanced at the sweats.

“When are Blue, Gans, and Cheng getting here?” He asked around a mouthful of food.

Ronan raised an eyebrow at his uncouth behavior, “Tomorrow morning. Maura picked them up from the airport and is holding them hostage for the night.”  
It was Adam’s turn to raise an eyebrow, “Did you bribe her to kidnap them so we could have the place to ourselves tonight?” He asked, narrowing his eyes at the other boy.

Ronan smirked, “Hell yes I did and I refuse to let you make me feel guilty.”

Adam snorted, “You are shameless.”

Ronan shrugged, “I didn’t hear you complaining half an hour ago.”

“Shut up.” Adam mumbled into his coke.

Ronan smiled slightly, not raising his eyes from his dinner, “How long are you planning on staying?” he asked, quietly, the mood turning from playful to serious instantly.

Adam raised a shoulder slightly; “I don’t have to be back in Cambridge until August 1st for my practicum.”

Ronan looked up at him sharply, “Any plans for the summer?” He asked, his voice careful.

Adam nodded his head thoughtfully, “I want to visit the Grand Canyon. I never let myself think about traveling for pleasure as a kid, because it didn’t seem even remotely likely. It was a waste of time and money, you know?”

Ronan just stared at him, his expression guarded.

“But I think I’d really like to go. I’ve never been to the desert. I think I’d like to go. See the canyon. Maybe go stargazing. My roommate, Jackson, says that the skies are really clear out there and the view is amazing.” Adam picked up his pizza and took another bite.

Ronan continued to stare at him.

Adam looked up at him, smiling slightly, “So?”

“So what?” Ronan asked, finally.

Adam rolled his eyes, his smile widening, “What do you say, Lynch? You wanna take a page from Gansey’s book? Wanna go on a roadtrip?”

Ronan blinked. “To Arizona?”

Adam shrugged again, “Yeah.”

“We…” Ronan stopped, “Yeah. I do.”

Adam’s smile could have parted the sea.

 

Gansey, Blue, and Henry arrived at the Barns in time for lunch the next day. Adam spent the 20 minutes before their arrival trying to make it look like he hadn’t spent the morning in bed with his boyfriend. After giving up on his hair and putting on company appropriate clothing he made his way downstairs to where Ronan was making pasta salad and grilled paninis.

“When’d you learn to make Italian food?” Adam asked, sliding up next to Ronan at the counter, and pressing a quick kiss to his bare shoulder.

“We get cable out here in ‘ole redneck Virginia, you know?” Ronan replied obnoxiously, “The cooking channel is for us rural folk too.”

Adam rolled his eyes dramatically, “I know you think you’re being a sarcastic savant right now, but I’m not going to let the fact that Ronan Lynch, notorious bad ass, watches the cooking channel slip by unnoticed.”

“Shut the fuck up, Parrish. Badasses have to eat to.” Ronan huffed, stirring the pasta salad more aggressively than necessary.

Adam slid a hand around Ronan’s waist, pulling slightly, “You won’t catch me complaining about your culinary prowess. Beats the dining hall by miles.”

Ronan glared, but leaned in when Adam moved to kiss him, mumbling something that sounded a lot like “smartass” under his breath as he did so.

 

The sound of slamming car doors shook the house, “ADAM! RONAN!” thundering footsteps announced Blue’s entrance as she barreled into the kitchen nearly knocking Ronan over with the centrifugal force of her arrival. She hugged them both resoundingly.

“Hey, Blue.” Adam smiled down at her as she let go of him and plopped down at the dining room table, “Did you sacrifice Gansey and Cheng to Orla?”

Blue grinned, “Nah, Gansey’s getting the bags and Henry is thoroughly amusing no one but himself by making fun of your truck. “ She shrugged.

Adam rolled his eyes, but was distracted as the two aforementioned boys strode into the house. After everyone had exchanged greetings, tossed luggage into the assigned rooms, and thrown their shoes into various corners of the house, they all settled down for lunch.

 

“So how’s the west coast, you fucking hippies?” Ronan asked, leaning back against the wooden log Adam was sitting on. Henry was methodically throwing every twig and branch he could find into the bonfire they were all sitting around. Blue and Gansey were sitting on a wooden bench, wrapped in each other’s arms.

“Its entirely unique in its culture.” Gansey replied enthusiastically, “The subcultures and individual history contained in San Francisco alone is unparalleled.”

Ronan raised an eyebrow slightly, rolling his eyes upwards at Adam who gave him an unsympathetic glance. “You asked.” He mouthed.

“Wouldn’t you agree, Jane?” Gansey asked, polite until death.

Blue shrugged, “Yeah, it’s pretty great. There’s a lot of interesting people there.”

“There’s a lot of weed.” Henry piped up, throwing himself on the grass next to the others, “Which is nice, ya know?”

Ronan snorted, and Gansey shook his head admonishingly.

“How’s are your classes, Henry?” Adam asked, running his fingers threw the tangled curls at the back of Ronan’s head. The other boy leaned into the touch, his shoulders relaxing.

“Good. Invigorating and engaging and shit, ya know? Lots to do, lots to change. I’m pretty sure the professors are high as often as the students. It’s a good vibe.” Henry laughed, rolling over onto his back and pillowing his head on his arms. “What about you, Ivy League? Harvard still the best thing that ever happened to you?”

Adam felt Ronan’s head tilt slightly under his fingers. He shifted on the stump he was sitting on. “Harvard is great. Classes are good. I’m glad for the break, though.”

“Seconded!” Gansey cheered, raising his beer in merry agreement.

 

The next morning found Gansey siting on the front porch nursing a slight hangover. Adam walked out onto the porch, two cups of coffee in hand.

“Morning.” He murmured, lowering himself onto the step next to Gansey. “Trouble sleeping?”

Gansey smiled, accepting the proffered mug, “Thanks.” He sipped the coffee, letting the bitterness wake him, “It is much quieter in Virginia than San Francisco. I think I forgot how to sleep in silence.”

Adam smiled slightly, gazing over the dew covered grass, “Yeah, I get that. It’s nice though. Feels like home.”

Gansey raised an eyebrow slightly, turning towards Adam, “Can’t say that’s something I ever expected to hear from you."

“Yeah, me neither.” Adam shrugged, “But I think I got tired of lying to myself.”

“So things are good?” Gansey asked, sipping his coffee again, “With you and Ronan?”

Adam nodded, looking down at his hands, “Yeah. I think so.”

Gansey smiled, “That’s great, Adam, it really is. I’ve always had utmost faith in both of you, but I don’t think anyone knew what to expect after last summer.”

Adam cringed slightly, “I’m sorry that you all got dragged into it. I wasn’t supposed to happen like that. It wasn’t supposed to be so messy.”

Gansey inclined his head slightly, “No need to apologize. Relationships are messy things, I think. And with everything you two have been through I wouldn’t expect anything less.”

Adam managed a small smile, “Thanks Gans. What about you? Things still good with Blue?”

Gansey flushed slightly, “Yes, spectacular, even, I would say.”

Adam’s brows raised, “Yeah?”

“We’ve made a decision together, in fact.” Gansey straightened his posture slightly, “We’re going to get married after I finish undergrad.”

Adam’s mouth open slightly, “Holy shit, man.”

Gansey beamed, “Indeed.”

 

That evening, after Blue and Gansey had made their engagement public information, the five of them sat on the back porch drinking the lemonade Henry had made earlier and supplemented heavily with raspberry vodka.

“Oh my god.” Ronan looked up from his phone, where he had been typing out a caption for a (vaguely unflattering, but still rather artistic) Instagram photo of the happy couple, “Blue, are you going to take Gansey’s name?” His eyes contained unbridled glee and Adam was sorely tempted to smack him in the back of the head and call him out for being an instigator, but he was actually curious as to the answer of the question himself.

Blue looked up from the drink she was pouring herself, “What?”

Gansey looked up sharply from where he was drawing a map of the Barns in his journal. Even Henry’s attention was drawn to the conversation, momentarily distracted from throwing popcorn at Chainsaw.

“I asked,” Ronan drawled, knowing full well that he was starting a conversation that had the potential to turn into a colossal shitshow and reveling in it. “If you were planning on taking the auspicious Gansey name once you and your betrothed tie the knot.”

Adam kicked him in the ankle.

Blue rolled her eyes so hard her entire body seemed to be involved in the activity, “I’ll have you know, Lynch, that I am going to keep my last name, if we have kids we’ll hyphenate, and as I’m sure you and Adam don’t have a hypothetical answer to the same question, why don’t you swerve back into your fucking lane.” Her grin rivaled Ronan’s in savageness as she sat back down next to Gansey, who was staring at her with a slightly awed expression.

They sat in stunned silence for a moment, before Henry began a slow clap that had Blue giggling into her lemonade and Ronan rolling his eyes.

“Sargent 1, Lynch 0.” Adam mumbled quietly enough that only Ronan could hear, who shot him a nasty look.

“Oh don’t start with me, you shit.” Ronan snarled, “I’m pretty sure her argument was against both of us.”

Adam shrugged, aware of the fact that the others were listening in, “Nah. I don’t really think it was.” He took a long sip from his lemonade, settling back into the rocking chair he was sitting on, “I would want to take your name if we ever got married. The Parrish legacy isn’t really one I’m interested in continuing. Also, I would want hypothetical children to be Lynch’s, for the same reason.” He smiled at Ronan’s shocked face with a sweet (shit-eating) grin.

“God damn, Parrish.” Henry shook his head, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen Ronan truly speechless.”

Gansey was grinning at them, “It is an atypical occasion.”

Blue was starring at Adam, with a mix of astonishment and pride in her eyes.

“Are you serious?” Ronan asked, his voice sounded shocked and reverent.

Adam met his eyes, his expression softening, “Would I fuck with you about this?”

 

An hour later, the pitcher was empty, and the five of them had migrated to the living room floor. A bottle of Svedka and a case of hard soda sat in the middle of their loose circle. They were all tipsy (and happy) enough to have agreed to Blue’s proposed suggestion of a game of Never Have I Ever. It had been a favorite of Noah’s, and due to the occasion Blue deemed it appropriate and decreed (with a pointed glare at Ronan) that everyone had to play.

“Never have I ever…” Gansey sipped his hard rootbeer, “thrown anyone out of a second story window.”

Ronan rolled his eyes, smiling quietly to himself as he downed a shot. “I’m pretty sure targeting people directly is against the rules.” He mumbled, without any heat to his words.

“Suck it up, Lynch.” Adam stretched his legs out in front of himself, “Your turn.”

“Never have I ever owned boat shoes.” He pushed his hair back out of his face irritably.

Gansey and Henry both drank, Gansey grinning at Blue’s disgusted/affectionate face whilst pouring his.

Adam’s turn had everyone doing a shot after he announced that he’d never swam in the ocean. Blue declared that the need for him to visit them in California (because west coast beaches were just… better!) had just tripled in intensity. Adam promised he’d make an effort to travel more, earning him a warm glance from Ronan that he returned with a grin.

Henry smirked devilishly, “Never have I ever fantasized about Adam Parrish.”

Adam’s face turned red instantly, as Ronan threw back a shot of vodka without a second thought. Blue winked at him as she brought a shot glass to her lips. Adam tried to ignore his burning blush, but found that impossible, as to his astonishment Gansey brought his glass to his mouth, his cheeks a ruddy pink.

“The fuck?” Ronan asked, voicing Adam’s thoughts for him.

Gansey shrugged, “The game demands honesty, not explanations, as I recall Noah saying on multiple occasions.”

Henry was smirking like his question had paid off exactly as he wanted it to.

“Well shit.” Blue straightened up slightly, “My turn, I guess. Never have I ever spent more than $100 on a single article of clothing.”

Everyone threw back a shot, and Blue gave Adam a surprised look.

“Tailored suit last year.” He mumbled, shifting slightly towards Ronan.

“Ganseyman.” Henry raised his hard cola towards the other boy.

“Never have I ever… dated someone from Aglionby.” Gansey declared. He had a bit of residual color on his cheeks from his answer to Henry’s question, which lent itself kindly to his All-American appeal.

Everyone did a shot, which had Blue turning to Henry with a question on her lips.

“Everyone makes mistakes, my darling Blue, and not all of them are worth sharing.” He winked.

“Gross.” Ronan pushed his hair back again, which Blue responded to by pulling a hair tie off her wrist and sending it flying towards him with a flick of her fingers. He pulled his hair back in a messy ponytail, and Adam found himself entranced by the movements. He noticed Blue noticing him noticing Ronan and felt his neck warm slightly, but he couldn’t find it in him to look away from the boy next to him.

“Never have I ever sent NSFW photos of myself via text.” Ronan said, an eyebrow arched in Adam’s direction.

Everyone did a shot; the color rising to Blue and Gansey’s cheeks was matching in rosy hue, Henry looked utterly nonplussed, and Adam sent Ronan a pointed glare. The others hooted and hollered at Adam as he rolled his eyes.

“See if I ever do it again, asshole.” Adam mumbled, his gaze sharp, but full of humor as he regarded Ronan. “Never have I ever talked dirty in Latin.”

Ronan looked betrayed as he downed a shot, and Henry cackled as Blue poured a shot for Gansey and handed it to him with raised eyebrows.

“That was one time.” He mumbled, downing the shot without a fight.

“I’m surprised you even know any Latin, Dick.” Ronan scoffed.

Henry sipped his drink, “Never have I ever gotten laid in a church.”

Ronan and Adam threw back a shot each, refusing to make eye contact with the others as they laughed.

“Never have I ever gotten laid on an Ivy League Campus.” Blue said, her eyes shinning with humor.

“Okay, come on.” Adam mumbled as he and Ronan did another shot.

Gansey laughed at the two of them, but addressed his next challenge to the entire group, “Never have I ever kissed a boy.”

“What!?” Henry looked absolutely aghast as he downed a shot. Adam and Ronan clinked their shot glasses together and downed theirs as Blue rolled her eyes and took her own shot.

“That sounds like a problem with a very present solution, Dick.” Ronan drawled, his posture having become distinctly more relaxed as the game progressed.

Gansey blushed so vibrantly Blue almost cried she was laughing so hard.

Henry grinned at Ronan, turning towards Gansey, “Ayyyy, Gans, what do you say? Check one off the old bucket list?”

Adam felt his cheeks ache from how hard he had been smiling all evening.

Looking deeply scandalized, Gansey straightened his shirt, “You are all hopeless teases and I refuse to engage in your shenanigans.”

“Fine, well, never have I ever kissed a girl.” Ronan declared, winking at Adam as he did so.

Everyone took a shot.

“Never have I ever worn a toga made out of a bedsheet while in public.” Adam smirked at Gansey and Henry as they both drank.

“Never have I ever gotten it on in the Pig.” Henry proclaimed, arching an eyebrow.

“That’s… too vague.” Ronan protested, as Blue and Gansey both downed a shot without second thought.

Gansey spluttered as Henry replied, “Anything beyond kissing counts, Lynch. Drink up.”

Adam and Ronan both shrugged and brought their drinks to their lips.

“What? When!?” Gansey protested, “Why my car?”

Ronan shrugged at the same time Adam said, “It’s a nice car, bro.”

“Oh my god. Ronan’s car is nice. I never got it on with anyone in it!” Gansey shook his head, “Can we be done? I’m drunk and I don’t want to know anything else. I don’t want to know anything at all. My god. The Pig. Why?”

Ronan leaned his head on Adam’s shoulder, “I’m not even sorry, man. It was a good day.”

Gansey made a deeply wounded noise and Adam didn’t even fight to keep himself from grinning.

 

An hour later, after finishing the bottle of vodka and going through each other’s high school pictures on instagram and laughing harder than they had in months, Blue was laying on the couch, curled into herself and deep in sleep. Gansey was sitting on the floor in front of her, looking through one of Niall’s books he had grabbed off the shelf. Henry had passed out on the floor, Chainsaw’s dissected toss pillow tucked under his head. Ronan was sitting on the floor, his back against the couch, Adam was sitting between his legs, his back curled into Ronan’s torso comfortably.

“I can’t believe he would have been 28.” Ronan muttered against the top of Adam’s head.

Gansey looked up from his book, “It’s remarkable, isn’t it? The eternal youth of an early death is so glorified and romanticized in cinema and literature, but in reality is seems…”

“Wrong.” Ronan provided, his tone soft, despite the heaviness of the topic.

“Yeah.” Gansey murmured.

Adam shifted slightly against Ronan, “I wonder, sometimes, why he chose us. Why he chose Monmouth. Why he stayed so long.”

The other boys stared at him intently, their silence indicating their hope that Adam would provide the answers to these questions that they too had pondered.

“I think he knew what he was doing.” Adam continued, his voice containing that tone that can only be achieved in the early hours of the morning while coming down from a buzz, “Obviously there was the Glendower stuff and the connection with Gansey. But I think he knew we needed him so desperately. More than he needed us, for sure. We needed him to lighten the darkness and to remind us that we all affected each other. I think he knew way more than any of us did how lasting actions and words were.” He paused, rolling his head so he could look up at Ronan, “Like those old stories about the soldiers in WWII who got medals of honor for jumping on a grenade to absorb the blast, you know? He made sure, during a time when we were all at our most explosive, that we didn’t embed shrapnel too deeply into each other and ourselves. He made sure we could last.”

They all sat in silence for a moment, absorbing Adam’s words.

“He mattered so much.” Gansey said, his voice softened by Virginia and vodka.

Ronan rested his cheek against the top of Adam’s head, “He still does, because we’re still here. He’s still the glue and we’ve managed not to shatter beyond repair because of it. Because of him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay. a few things. 
> 
> 1) the gangsey playing drinking games is not original and there are probably better fics containing this headcanon but i love it and i love drinking games and i love writing them so here we are. hope it wasn't too ooc. 
> 
> 2) i ship sarchensey. i just didn't write it for this fic because i didn't fit with this storyline to me. sorry to anyone who was disappointed.
> 
> 3) ronan with long hair is my reason for existing. let me live. 
> 
> 4) i'm going to shut up now but the whole point of this fic has been to provide Noah and the gang resolution that I so desperately want them to have. i hope i accomplished that. 
> 
> thanks for reading. your kudos and comments make me smile so hard its stupid.
> 
> (also i made this into a series and there will be more eventually about Adam and Ronan's relationship and their breakup during sophomore year that i allude to here. i have a lot of thoughts and emotions about these boys so if you're into that keep an eye out.)


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